Future Looking Bright

One of the hardest things for me to do is to be open and honest with people and sometimes to myself.  It’s the flaw that I don’t wish to have. But it’s something I am working on everyday.  Even writing this for you all to read is more than I can bear but I know that I will be okay with it later and be grateful.

It’s not like I am lying about everything in my life or anything.  It’s more of me lying about things that really affect me in such a negative way.  As clichĂ© as it sounds, I am the girl that hides behind her smile.  I am notoriously good at having this facade that even if someone asks me if I am sure everything is good I can prove to them that everything truly is fine.

I don’t like having this skill.  It’s a skill that easily holds me back from really letting people in.

I am finally realizing that my past is a massive negative anchor that I need to cut away from.  It’s lead me to the point in my life that I have created this thick skin that no one is able to cut through.  Even my longest friend is finding out new things about me.  Things that I locked in a vault I buried deep in my mind and the only one that knows is me.

People fail to realize that I have been hurt many times in many ways than they can imagine.  I am the girl that everyone always say, ” oh, I would have never guessed. You just don’t look like that kind of person.”

That’s a classification that I absolutely dislike.

Yes, it may not be because of those hidden facts of me but it goes with every aspect in my life.  Just because I like to look as certain way doesn’t mean I have to fit in the – supposed – stereotype.

Anyways, I only wish for improvement from this.  This post is a huge step and I couldn’t be happier to push ‘publish’.  It may not be with certain people but writing and having you read this is more than enough right now.  Everyday I want to take a little step to opening up.  Which I have started on my friends. Now to expand.  It’s always hard to start with someone but I know I can do this.  I lost my faith and hope once but I need to remind myself of why I am taking these steps.

The future is only looking brighter.

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